SeeTheHudsons.com : Updates and Notables

I ended up going home around 11 AM on Tuesday. I was just too worn out from coughing. Horrible.

I stayed home on Wednesday too. I wasn't too bad, but I wanted to rest and "get over it" already. I think it was a good thing.

On Thursday, I came to work and it was fine. Downed the cough drops pretty regularly though. Today is Friday and I'm doing okay. Still coughing, but not as drugged. I feel like I have a hole in my throat... the air as I breathe tickles and makes me want to cough.

I've been coughing so hard that I think it's straining my uterus... or else I'm just growing this week. Everything is kind of sore down there. I think things are just growing.

So, I was looking at the pregnancy charts today... This week, I'm still only about 2 1/2 inches long, but from here forward, it grows about an inch a week for a while. My next appointment is June 20th at 3PM. I'll be 15 weeks then and will have an ultrasound to check growth. We'll also have an AFP done. It's a test to scan the mother's blood for abnormalities in some proteins to test for things like Down's and other birth defects. The AFP has a high rate of false positives, but between it and the ultra sound, we should be able to decide if we want other testing done or not. John is really concerned and wants to be able to make decisions based on knowledge and not just assume that everything is okay. I feel that everything is going to be just fine.

Mom and Dad have the "last truck" today and will move tomorrow. However, the appraisal up there is on Monday and Mom says she needs to be there for that. So, she won't be "moved" yet. Dad is also planning on staying up there until closing and then may bunk in with Pete and Jen as he wants to continue working. He's working on moving the office to a new location and wants to see it completed (or at least closer to being completed.) Who knows when they might actually live here.

We'll be racing on Saturday this week at Charleston. The mini-Sprints will be there this week. Should be fun to watch... hope they don't jack the prices up for it.

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Racing went okay. Nothing big and we didn't make the show, but he did make it through the heat and semi just fine.

I mentioned in my post that I had a sore throat. Well, that turned into a full-fledged cold. On Sunday, I couldn't even leave the house. I'm still pretty weak at times, but okay enough to come to work (by John's standards). Went racing Friday night and was okay... mostly nose. Then Saturday, I started coughing some, but still mostly nose. I went out on the boat Saturday afternoon with Pete, Jen, John and the dogs. John went water skiing. Freezing cold! Silly boy...

But on Sunday, the cough was horrible and I was straining to breath. It was really wearing me out. I thought I would cook some dinner in the afternoon and it was all I could do to find the recipe. There was no way that I was going to be able to stand up there and cook. I was too worn out. So, John cooked dinner. It was kind of cute because he didn't think he could do it.

Monday was Memorial Day. I was feeling much better so I went out to Mom and Dad's for breakfast. Then, Pete and Jen left to go home. John left to go work on the race car and truck and I sat out to Mom and Dad's. Well, actually, I napped most of the time. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap.

By later that night, I was feeling pretty darn good. But, as I was going to bed, I started coughing again. I woke up three times overnight with coughing fits.

In the morning, I tried to sleep while John showered and then thought I would stay home. John guilted me into going to work. I didn't have a fever... although, I didn't hardly have one all weekend anyway. He said that if I was going to stay home that I had to go to the doctor. I don't feel like I need to go to the doctor... this is just a cold and needs to run its course. So, I got up, showered, and drove up to Champaign. Went to McDonald's for a couple of breakfast burritos and came to work.

I wouldn't want to sit by me today...

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Man, you can tell when I have stuff that I don't want to talk about, can't you... because I don't write!

Let's see... I last wrote last Wednesday. Hmmm... So, when was that??? I don't know, let's just get started.

One day last week (maybe Friday), I was reading my e-mail. I subscribe to several pregnancy lists now. In one of them, someone was wanting to get things moving, so she asked a "harmless" question. "How did you find out you were pregnant and how did you share the news with your DH?"

Well, most of the stories contained cute little things and "we were so excited" sort of statements. I sent one to John and told him that it just made me sad. He asked why, because of what he did/said? And I said, no, because of what he didn't do. Of course, that required a lot more explanation and eventually he got very mad at me over e-mail. So, we just agreed to talk about it later.

I was this big crying match, and rather than go into the details, I think I'll just summarize what I learned.

Throughout our lives, I am always going to be having very emotional responses to things that go on in our lives. And, I am going to want him to share in those feelings. However, John is always going to have very practical responses to the things going on in our lives. I'm going to see that as "not caring" or be disappointed that he doesn't feel the same way as me.

For example, when our child is playing his first soccer game, I'm going to be all emotional. "Aw, look at our little sprout... out there playing with is friends. Isn't it wonderful?" (insert your own sappy music). John, on the other hand will be thinking, "I hope that he is prepared enough to do well today." and... he'll continue on thinking how the outcome of this game will affect the next game, etc.

Or, I am all excited about the romantic idea of holding our baby for the first time. John is worried that we're going to mess the kid up, or worried if we'll have enough money, or that the kid will be the most popular in school... He just doesn't have those romantic, lovey type thoughts. It makes me sad... and and one point of the discussion/crying session, we both thought it would be better to just end it all, give up, and go our separate ways.

Of course, we're just still learning about each other. These things will happen because we got engaged in only 103 days and haven't even known each other for four years yet. Everything will be fine. I just need to adjust my expectations.

But, today is Friday the 24th. On Tuesday, the doc okay'd John to go racing. They have moved the rain off until midnight, so we'll be racing at Farmer City tonight. I'm scared that it's too early for John... but at the same time, I'm excited and happy to be racing again.

Wednesday, just after lunch, I started getting a sore throat. It got worse overnight, but yesterday during the day, I was pretty okay.

We had an OB appointment yesterday. Everything is fine - we met with Trupin for the first time this pregnancy. We attempted to hear the heart beat. We had it for a few seconds - but kept moving around too much to really count, and was pretty hard to find anyway. John missed it as he got there late... but I wasn't sure they had found it anyway... didn't seem fast enough to be the baby to me. Next month, we'll definitely get to hear it. Also, since I'm overweight, we'll get to do more ultrasounds to make sure the baby is fine. That's cool by me! More pictures! So, we'll do that, along with a blood genetic test (a quad-screen), to see if everything is okay.

John really would like to have amnio done. But, since it risks the baby, between the documentation from the doctor's office and my explanations, he's okay having the blood test and ultra-sound only, as a first step. If those things look okay, we'll forego the amnio. If they are not okay or questionable, we may have amnio done. I just hope everything is okay.

But the big news that made me feel better is that she said it was okay if I lose weight. It's okay if I don't gain a pound the whole pregnancy. I'm very happy about that. I had been "supplementing" with high carb stuff to keep from losing. Now... I just need to get myself off the sugar. It will be good for John too. Hopefully he can be at goal, or very close, by the time the baby is born.

So, we're racing tonight. Whee!

You can tell I'm excited, can't you.

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Yesterday went pretty well. John gets to eat! Whoo-hoo!!!

I wrote to a lot of different boards with my concerns. They basically all said that losing weight was okay, or at the very least, not gaining an ounce. So, if I lose, don't worry about it.

So, I'm feeling a lot better about it all and am trying to concentrate on eating well.

Grandma and Heidi are leaving on Thursday around noon. Friday, Mom and Dad are renting a truck, and they will all come down Saturday. Grandma (and maybe Heidi) will probably sleep at our house, so I have some picking up to do. It should be a nice, if not too busy, weekend.

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Last week, I tried really hard to get back on LC full time. I'm doing pretty well at it, but I've been "supplementing" with some higher carb things. Some are pretty healthly, others are just treats (like an ice cream shake or something). I rationalize these things saying that I am "maintaining" my weight because I don't want to lose. I'm not suppose to be on a "diet" to lose weight after all. Oh, and the shakes are good because that's calcium!!! (Yea, right!)

My doctor says not to freak out if I lose a few pounds and that would be okay... and that I only need to gain about 10 pounds and that should be all in the third trimester. (She thinks LC is fine.) I guess I need to ask her, and I will at my next appt (May 23) on how does she define a "few pounds"? And, when, specifically, is it okay? Am I far enough along now that I should not be losing? What if I don't gain any weight? Would that be okay?

If I lose more than 2-3 in a couple days (not hard at all - my metabolism, and appetite is way high), then the next day, I rationalize that I should something "high carb" so that I gain that weight back.

Basically, I need to get back to doing good solid meal planning and eating nice healthy low carb meals. Many mini meals a day would be even better to help keep that hunger away. But I'm scared that I might lose weight!

I need to stop the high carb "supplements" though because I'm more upset at myself for eating the high carb stuff that I know is not good for me, than I would be if I lost a few pounds. If anything, I should be eating fruit. But see, that requires planning, and grocery shopping. How am I ever going to handle a kid. I'm way too lazy! (Okay, giving myself a break here with all the stuff going on with John... I just need to get back in the swing of things...)

Also, I have been eating LC for about two years, "trying" to lose weight all that time - sometimes really into it and trying hard, other times, just bouncing around but slowly making progress. I finally realized in writing this post that I'm sort of grieving that I can't look forward to losing weight. That I can't work for that "new low weight" tomorrow morning on the scale. I mean, I had already come to grips with the fact that until we are done having kids, I won't be able to even come close to working on having that athletic, fit body that I want and have never had. And I'm okay with that... the long term picture. I guess it's the short term, daily weigh ins... that rush of having a new low, or at least weighing less than I did the day before... that daily buzz that I'm missing. Oh, my... Am I addicted to dieting? WOW!

Am I just spending too much time thinking about me and not enough time thinking about my baby?

The new style now for pregnant women is to wear tight fitting clothes that show off that beautiful pregnant belly... on a woman that was nearly perfect in ever dimension before becoming pregnant.
I belong to a LC pregnancy board, but not too many of them are as heavy as I am. I'm wondering... what is going to happen to this fat on my body as the baby grows? Skin can only go so far... I've got this droopy apron lower belly thing going on. Obviously, it can't be droopy on top of a stretched pregnant belly, can it? So does the fat just smoosh around it all? I think so, but these are the questions I'm asking myself lately. I can't imagine what I may look like.

I guess I need to write to Kris. She was a little overweight when she got pregnant, but really took care of herself during her pregnancy and didn't gain hardly anything. Within a couple weeks after the birth, she was thinner than she was pre-pregnancy - almost to goal size - and looked great.

In other news... John has his doctor's appointment tomorrow to find out if he can start eating yet. Let me tell you, this TPN thing is getting old for me (having the change the bag out nightly). I can't imagine what it has been like for him. He's been hungry all weekend and really craving some food, so hopefully that is a good sign and we'll get some good news tomorrow.

We're drowning here in Central Illinois. It took us three tries to find a way to get home last night... we ended up having to take a really round-a-bout way to get home without having to drive through deep water over the roads.

On Friday, I was in a seminar/lecture for work, so I didn't get to pop in here. All through the thing, I had this nagging question... but, a topic "close" to it never came up and I didn't know if it was a stupid question, so I didn't ask. At the end, there was a Q and A period, and someone else (someone much "higher up" too) asked my question! I know it's weird, but it felt so good and reaffirming that someone else was thinking the same thing I was! It was a good feeling.

Friday night, John and I drove up to Mom and Dad's house. This was probably the last time that I'll see the house. They are scheduled to close on June 7.

Next weekend, Heidi is driving Grandma out visit Mom and Dad's house up there for the last time and then down here to see their new house for the first time. I can't wait to see them.

The following weekend is Memorial Day and John "thinks" he's going to be back to racing for that weekend. It's obviously a big weekend for racing - big money races, lots of drivers... lots of fun. So, hopefully he'll be well enough because he's really looking forward to it.

Well... Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny, but then back into the rain and thunderstorms... maybe I'll have to grill something out tomorrow afternoon (that sounds so good!)... while I mow the yard! All this rain sure keeps that stuff growing! I mowed last Thursday night and it already needs it again. I think it will still be too wet tonight to do it though. Besides, I should go grocery shopping.

John went home around 12:30 today. He was taking a nap, or starting to, when I called him at 1PM. Hopefully he'll be feeling good when I get home.

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John is home. The nurse came last night and hooked us up. Our fridge is full of bags of white food-type stuff. There's a little pump and battery pack and it all fits in a back pack. So, he receives his food through a PICC line (IV). He went to work today with it. He isn't scheduled to see the doctor again until Tuesday, May 14.

He says he slept pretty well, but I know that I woke up four times and he was awake every time, so... But, he's okay. He weighs 248.2. He's lost a lot. He finally looked at himself in the mirror yesterday and realized that he looks sick. My poor babe.

Me? Well, on Tuesday, I went back to eating low carb. When John was in the hospital, I was eating whatever sounded good. Tuesday night I had a killer head ache that was still there Wednesday. Today, I finally feel a little better.

Today is the start of week 9.

On Monday, April 29, John has his gall bladder removed. It was full of cholesterol stones. There were stones in his common bile duct (which passed) that was causing the bile to back up into his liver and pancreas. He still has pancreatitis as a result and is still in the hospital. Today is Monday, May 6.

The only way to treat pancreatitis is to let it go and let it get better and in the mean time, quit shoving food and water down there. So, John has been without food and water and is receiving nutrition through his IV. Yuck!

The past few days, he's felt pretty good - but when he has to think hard - like talking to someone about work or something... and his stress level goes up, the illness factors come back. He starts running a fever and feeling sick. So, he's not better. He's still not getting food today. Basically, they are watching his white blood cell count and when that gets back to normal, they'll think about reintroducing food. After he's on food and feeling okay, he can go home. Maybe he'll get food tomorrow... maybe not.

So, it's a big waiting game. There were a lot of steps in between in there... and maybe I'll write about them later. In the meantime, I really miss him and just want him to come home.