SeeTheHudsons.com : Updates and Notables

Having my other piece of roast beef and cheese right now...

I have so many little things to do. UGH! I would really like to work on this bigger stuff and get to some of these issues. I bought another book on half.com... this one is another self-help book, this one about acheiving success and goal setting. I need to read these books rather than buying them. Anyway - don't know if I'll get back here this week, but I'm going to try to stay super productive today and get these little things done so that I can get to this bigger stuff. I'm going to be really diligent about keeping a list and checking stuff off. Any time I think of something, I'm going to write it on the list.

Off to conquer!

I actually worked on my list last week. I want to work on it some more. Here is what I've got so far on my "I want" list:

I want to be liked by people. Respected. I want to be one of those people that other people want to be like. I will pay better attention to my mood and work to control it. I will concentrate on thinking about what I am about to say prior to saying it. I will strive to present myself as a happy person and will strive to try to make others happier through my actions. I will not present myself in a way that will cause negativity with others.

I want to be fit. To have that, I must lose weight and exercise. I want to exercise, weight lifting and cardio work. Resistance training is more important for losing weight. I want to eat a low-carb diet in order to lose weight. I will start with Atkin�s Induction for two weeks. Add to that, I will keep my minimum protein level at an acceptable PP level. I need 120 grams of protein. I need only 20 grams of carbs (including fiber on Atkins). To make 2000 calories, the rest will be fat, therefore about 160 grams of fat per day. I want an active and effective metabolism. To have this, I must split up my food evenly throughout the day. I will eat a minimum of four mini-meals per day and strive for 5-6 meals per day. Since my carbs are so low, I will choose items that are very filling, but low in carbs and high in fiber, such as romaine lettuce and other leafy green vegetables. During this two-week period, I will weigh and measure all of my food. I will prepare menus using LifeForm at least one day before. I will strive to prepare a week of menus in advance and will plan my shopping accordingly. I will weigh myself daily. I will take measurements weekly. I will go to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier. I will work 7-4 all weeks except for the week that I am on secondary support. On secondary, I will still get up at the same time and will spend that extra hour in the morning working on house related stuff.

I want a clean and orderly house. I will make a list of the things to do and will do at least one item per day. I will keep active by doing these things. In addition, there will be daily things that must be accomplished, such as dusting the tile floor after meals. It will be part of the kitchen clean up after dinner. The cat box will be scooped daily. It will be part of my morning routine to be done after weighing, but prior to fixing breakfast. The yard will be mowed as needed and will not be put off. Every time the yard is mowed, trimming and weed pulling will be done. The trees and plants will also be watered at that time. It will be a package deal.

I want to be an active and productive person. I do not want to be lazy. I will unplug the cable from the TV. Further, I will hang a sheet or some other cloth over the TV so that I cannot even look at it. The remotes will be under the sheet so that I cannot see them either. When I come home from work, I will turn the stereo on, radio or CD, to help keep me moving.

That's it for now. Later on, I thought it was funny thinking back over it that I didn't mention kids or anything like that. That's why I want to write more.

I didn't write yesterday as I had planned... surfed the net instead. Sorry. I'll write some today.

My planner was on my front door step at 8:30 last night. Woo-Hoo!!! My faith in the good of humanity is restored!

John and I, on the other hand, are not getting along too well. He wrote, or said, yesterday afternoon that he was coming home and that we wouls have a nice dinner or something. He came home, got undressed, gave me some hugs and wanted to go to bed. Sorry. Not me. I watched Voyager, cooked myself some food, and waited for him to wake up. I finally decided that I would go out to a movie. I needed to do something to get this planner thing off my mind. I went out to leave, then checked the porch - and there it was. I rushed in to tell John... he was still asleep and not too much impressed. So I told him I was going to a movie. Didn't seem to bother him much.

So, I left. I drove almost to Tolono and turned around. I was getting sleepy and couldn't think of a movie that I wanted to see anyway. So, I came home. He was on the couch watching TV now. He wanted me to come sit with him, and I said, "You didn't want to be with me during my show." He asked if I was pissed. I said that I was, that he went to bed instead of spending time with me. So, I went to bed and left him there. I was asleep around 9PM. He came to bed at 10:30. I think he wanted to have sex. He was kissing on me and rubbing and trying to hold me. I was sleeping. Finally, he asked if I was sleepy. DUH! I'm asleep! I thought I feel back asleep in his arms, but I don't know. I woke up at 3:34 and he wasn't there. He was out on the couch sleeping with the TV on. He was still there this morning.

I reset the alarm to 6:00 since there were no eggs to cook anyway, and then I got up at showered and dressed. At 6:20, I was ready and went out and woke him up. We sat and hugged for a while and he told me about work yesterday. Then, it was time to go and we hugged, and he went and showered and I left.

I don't know what is going on.

Why do we have to have sex whenever we are together. What happened to doing other stuff together?

I'm feeling pretty good today though. I did a stupid thing when I first got here at work - I downed a bunch of chocolate. But I feel good anyway, so I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm going to pick up and move on.

I'm going to try and make a list of the things I want in life and work on setting goals and writing it all down. That's my goal for today.

A note to Charlotte, Rocko, Pete, Mom and Dad:

Hi all,

While at a gas station, attempting to add oil to the Porsche, I needed to call John. I took my planner out, laid it on top of the car, found his number and made my call.

I my haste to leave, I forgot about my planner. I left the gas station (at the Pesotum exit on 45) with it on the roof of the car.

When I got home (actually, just before pulling into the driveway), I realized my mistake. I went back to the spot in the road to look for it. I looked. It's not there. There is no evidence of it being hit by a car and smattered across the roadside. Only "loose" items that were inside the back cover were found. Anything that was attached to the planner or in a firmer gripping pocket was not found. It must have remained intact. It's gone, in whole. Someone has it. Someone is reading it. Someone is making plans to use the information in it. Or maybe they just took the monetary items and threw the rest away like it doesn't matter and has no value.

I feel as though I am the most careless and stupid person in the world. And on top of that, I need to prepare myself for the coming 'stolen identity' episode that is surely to come. Anyone that would pick up something as personal as a planner/date book, and not return it, has the potential to use the information in that book in a criminal way. Since my stolen identity episode in Bartlett, I assume that any hick on the street is capable of pulling off criminal acts, no matter how dull they may seem.

How does any of this relate to you?

In addition to my personal information (including my birth certificate and social security card), there is a page in there with all of your names, birthdates and social security numbers. (Pete, I'm not sure if yours was there, but it might have been since I have yours memorized since it's so close to mine. I might have written it down "just for fun".) Parents... I had yours all written down as I have needed them for benefits/insurance purposes over the years.

For me, it's not just monetary items, like that never used gift certificate from Prairie Gardens, or information and identification related items that I have lost, there are also personal items. The $2 bills that my Uncle Bucky gave me... a Valentine's Day note from John... A draft of my personal 'mission statement' from when I took a Franklin Covey course with Carrie while at UHC, that included very personal notes and were from my life before John. Also notes in a diary form from when Charlotte was in the hospital in February.

I am sorry for being so careless and exposing you all to risk in this way.

Please let me know if you experience any anomalies as it may be a sign of trouble to come for the rest of us.

I love you.

I am sorry.

--Steph--

I started writing 'feelings' type of things over on my PP blog, but I kind of want to keep that more of a food diary and how I am feeling physically. So, thought I'd come over here and put in an update.

I just went and washed my lunch dishes. I am so angry today. UGH! I need to get out of this funk. My cube is 'just around the corner' and therefore, I often skirt around the corner when I feel there is time in the 'traffic' to do so using the wrong 'lane'. Just as I was coming back to my cube, PL and DE were coming up the lane, rather quickly. I felt like... oh. There is is. I felt. Me and my reading things into things. Anyway, I felt as though I was in 'their way' by going into my own cube. As though they had more right to the little bit of space directly outside my cube than I did.

I guess I always feel like I try to stay out of people's way.

That's probably a good part of the issue... I feel like I am more accommodating to people than they are to me. That they ought to be more respectful of my needs.

For instance... this whole RMS Production Support thing. (As an aside, I write this thing for me, so I'm not going to explain everything I talk about - I guess I should take the link for this thing off my my main page to avoid having people read it. It really is for me.) Kristi was primary last week, and I'm primary this week. Granted, she's going out of town, leaving today, for a work thing, so if I could do a little to help her out, that's a nice thing. But... when I'm on primary, I try to keep the e-mail box clean and sorted and well, just cleaned up! She handed it over to me with all of Friday's mail and then from the weekend, all still in there in the inbox. So, there is one message that I sent her... oh, let's go check the date, shall we? ... August 1st. So, last Wednesday. It's just sitting there in the inbox (along with over 20 other messages). Now, being on secondary last week, I saw that she left it in the inbox after cleaning it up one other day. So, I could have assumed that I should leave it there for her. But rather, I asked her what her intentions were about it. She sent me a sort of snippy little reply back saying "Why do you ask?" Uhhmmmm, because it's just sitting there? I didn't know if I should do something with it this week or if she wanted to handle it. I wasn't trying to pick a fight, I just wanted some clarification.

So, I'm thinking to myself for the next sentence to write, "People shouldn't take things so personally." But then I thought, "Gee, that's what I did with her 'why do you ask' question." I don't know... I just double think myself so much lately.

My big problem is that expect too much from people.

It just makes me so depressed thinking about it.